


I've no Language left to say it, all I do is Crave to Her

by TheRookieKing412



Category: Princess Tutu
Genre: ASL, Dog - Freeform, F/M, Little Mermaid Elements, Nudity, late 80s early 90s, swan lake ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-10
Updated: 2019-07-10
Packaged: 2020-06-25 17:51:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19750750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRookieKing412/pseuds/TheRookieKing412
Summary: How do you love what was never yours to love? How to speak to one who has never spoken? How to you break a spell that you don't even know you have to break? How to help someone who came to your door in the middle of the night? Naked and bleeding? Who is she?





	I've no Language left to say it, all I do is Crave to Her

I had never seen a naked woman.

I was a twenty-seven year old man, and I had never, on purpose gazed at a woman’s naked body.

Not until I meet her.

Most would call a man who had never seen a naked woman before many creative names, like dork, nerd, geek, virgin, as if being called names would bother me. 

And the blame could only be placed partially on my shoulders. 

The women of this town find me frightening, they think me a hard man, with no ounce of kindness, no sympathy, or love.

And I had decided when I was thirteen that I would never ogle a woman.

Not for any way I was raised, that I thought it was an act of sin against God, but ever since I was young, I had a sharp eye. I liked to watch people. And more often than not, I watched as women were harassed, leered at by older men, I watched young girls who had not yet learned to mask their disgust or the panic in their eyes. 

I made the decision that I would never look at a woman in a way that I felt would make her uncomfortable. 

So, imagine my surprise when I found her, crying, knocking at my door, a sniveling mess, covered in nothing but black dirt and scratches. 

I had never seen her before, not in my town, it was too small for me to not know everybody, even if I lived in solitude. 

Of course I had heard of the legends our town had, the mermaids in the lake, the fairies in the oak tree, the man who could control reality. 

I never believed it.

And perhaps I should have.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, my work never done, even after the tenth line, it was never enough. 

I put down my pen, in hopes that would motivate me to stop. It never did. 

Picking up the pen again, set on writing another paragraph, when Hessia - a big black dog that was dumber than a bag of rocks - started barking and howling at what, at the time, I was sure was just a pack of squirrels.

“Hessia, stop.” I twisted around to look for her, but she wasn’t even in the room with me. I sighed.

Unless I was looking right at her, she’d never listen to me. She’d pretend she didn’t hear me, but that’s because she was a dumb dog. Who didn’t like to listen. Or obey.

I pushed my chair out and tried to find her, her growling echoed all across the house, and when I thought I was on her trail, she’d bark again and she’d be behind me.

I finally found her, whining and pathetically scratching at the back door.

“What? Do you need to go to the bathroom? I asked you if you needed to go outside half an hour ago.” I scolded her, but she only looked up at me with her vacant eyes, before returning to scratch the door.

“Fine, I’ll let you out.” 

My hand moved to unlock the door, and I heard the knock.

It was weak, so weak.

It sent me into a panic.

I lived in the middle of the woods, a good mile away from town, and it was nearing two in the morning. Who could possibly be outside?

“Who's there?” I said, trying to sound braver than I felt. 

I was answered by a muffled cry, something shuffled, and a flattened palm bearing against the door. 

“Alright.” I told Hessia. “If I open that door and it’s the thing from the black lagoon, I’ll take you out back and shoot you.”

She stuck out her tongue then stood up, her tail wagging behind her. 

I took a breath and unlocked the door, I pulled it open, light from the kitchen flooded the patio, and I saw a young woman lying on the floor.

I knelt down beside her and pushed her hair away from her face. 

“Ma’am, are you alright?”

She looked up at me, and I had never seen eyes like hers. Bluer than the sky, and deeper than any ocean, they were larger than the moon, and I felt my heart beat rise. 

Her mouth moved but no sound came out, she reached for my wrist and I helped her up, and that’s when I saw. 

She was covered in black mud, leaves clung to her arms, and I saw trails of blood, but she was completely naked as she clung to me for support. 

My face felt like it was on fire, and I closed my eyes, as if my imagination wouldn’t show me the very same thing.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

“Are you alright?”

She nodded against my chest. 

“Who are you?”

She didn’t respond, and I knew something was wrong, something was terribly wrong. I switched my position, so my arm laid across her shoulders, and my other hand I gave to her to steady herself with. 

I lead her to my bathroom, my first thought was to get her clean, to make sure her wounds wouldn’t get infected. 

I had her sit down on the counter and I filled the tub.

Hessia fell in love with her the minute she walked in. As I held her, Hessia sniffed her legs, licking them and wagging her tail as if this was the best day of her life. She followed me as I lead her to the bathroom, running ahead in excitement, before turning back and making sure the young woman was still right behind her. And even now, as I filled up the bath, Hessia rested her head on the woman’s thighs, and she pet Hessia with a gentle hand. 

She was kind, I thought.

“Here.” I said. “It should be good now.”

I walked back to the counter and pulled her down, I helped her step into the bath, her legs wobbling, and held her hand as she sat down. 

She sat in the middle, pulling her legs to her chest, she moved her hand out in front of her, cupping the water before letting it slip through her fingers.

I went to the cupboard outside the bathroom and pulled out a washcloth. But leaving Hessia and the young woman alone was a mistake. When I came back, Hessia was trying to get into the tub with the woman.

“Hessia! No! Bad dog!” I reprimanded her, but when I looked to the young girl, she didn’t seem to mind, in fact she was laughing at my dog’s antics. An odd, soundless laugh.

Hessia was too big to fit in the tub on a normal day, so I pulled her out anyway, stuffing her into the hallway and closing the door.

“I’m sorry about her, she gets excited when she meets new people.”

I looked over at her, and she shook her head, still smiling.

I cleared my throat, walked back to the tub and handed her the wash cloth, “There, you can use it to get all the dirt off. I know it must be itchy.” 

Her eyebrows furrowed together and she looked at the cloth, before looking back up at me.

“You -ugh.” I groaned, I knelt down beside the tub, pulling out my body wash and dropping it on the cloth. 

She seemed intrigued by the body wash, she pulled it from my hands and popped it open, she put it to her nose and breathed it in deeply.

“Do you like it?”

Then, she poured some out into her hand and licked it.

“No!” I grabbed her wrist. “No, it’s not food, it’s soap. Look.” I dunked the washcloth in the water, and I rubbed it on her arm, before pouring more water over her arm to rinse the soap off. “See? It’ll help you get clean.” 

She took the wash cloth from my hand and rubbed it along her other arm, repeating what I had done. She raised her arms up, putting them in my face with a wide grin. 

“Yes.” I smiled at her. “Like that, now do the rest of you.”

She immediately placed it on her chest and I turned, falling down on my ass, I leaned against the tub. 

“I’m going to get you something to wear. Finish cleaning yourself, alright?” I looked back at her, and she nodded. She was running the cloth on her neck.

I gave her a nod, and went to stand, when she grabbed my wrist again.

“What is it?”

She leaned over and showed me her back. She demonstrated how far she could reach with the cloth, and how she couldn’t do her entire back. 

“Would you like me to clean your back?”

She nodded.

I took the cloth from her, I dipped it in the water to clean it from dirt and put on more soap before I ran it over her shoulders, covered in freckles, and down her spine, which arched into my touch, until I was sure her entire back was clean. 

And perhaps I took a little bit longer to do so than necessary.

I had never seen a naked woman, and as I looked at her, I found out why women were so desired after. 

In my room, Hessia laid in the middle of my bed.

“Don’t act like this isn’t your fault.” I said. Moving to my dresser to pull out anything I think she’d actually fit into. “And don’t think you’re sleeping in my bed tonight.”

She whines and huffed at me, laying her empty head on her paws.

I knocked on the bathroom door and entered. But perhaps that was a mistake.

She stood, one foot balanced on the edge of the tub as she leaned over and washed her leg.

“Oh, God. I’m sorry.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I got you clothes. I don’t know if they’ll fit, but I got ‘em. Just, put them on when you finish, and I’ll get you another towel to dry off.” 

I closed the door behind. But I’d have to open again to give her a second towel. 

“I guess, if you’d like, you can sleep in my bed, and I’ll sleep downstairs.” I said through the door.

I sat on my bed, twiddling my thumbs as I waited for her, she was taking an awfully long time.

Did she slip and fall?

Did she run off? 

Was she even real? What if she was a figment of my imagination as a result of late night writing.

I groaned and stood to barge into the bathroom when she came into my room.

“Oh good, I thought you had drowned.”

She smiled at me and shook her head. 

I had given her sweatpants and my old ballet shirt to wear, but for some reason she had elected not to wear the sweatpants, leaving her legs bare, and out for the world to see.

Hessia was excited to see her, she leapt off the bed and started jumping on the woman.

“Hessia, down. We don’t jump on guests.” I stood to stop her, pulling at her collar until she was a few feet’s distance away. “I’m sorry.”

She shook her head. She walked towards us and knelt down beside Hessia, offering her her hand.

Hessia gave her a large lick, and the woman smiled, scratching her just behind her ear.

I cleared my throat. “So, like I said, you can stay in here, and I’ll sleep downstairs.” 

She nodded. She pointed to the bed, then herself, then me, and then the bed again.

“Oh, uh, no, no I won’t make you share.” 

She pouted, she grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the bed, making that awful burning sensation to come back to my cheeks.

“No, it’s okay.” 

She blinked up at me, as if to say “why not?”

It was her eyes, perhaps if it wasn’t for her eyes I would have been able to resist her, to say no, but her eyes, begging and pleading with me to say yes, I couldn’t stop myself. 

“Alright. But let me get ready.”

I went through my night time ritual with an audience of two. The woman watched as I washed my face, brushed my teeth, pulling the holder out of my hair to comb through it. 

She seemed excited about that, when I put the comb down, actually no, before I could even set the comb down, she had snatched it up, pointed to me, to the comb, and then her hair.

“I’ll comb your hair for you once I finish.”

She smiled, I wasn’t quite sure how I understood her, what her little gestures were supposed to mean, but I did. 

She obviously didn’t care about the naked human body. I didn’t have a walk-in-closet to shut the door behind myself to change in private, but I had turned my back in hopes she’d catch my drift, but when I looked over my shoulder, she sat on the edge of my bed, watching me.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but could you turn around.” 

She smiled and nodded. She stood and turned around in a circle before sitting back on the bed.

I was starting to wonder who was smarter, her or Hessia. 

“I’m not used to people watching me when I change.” I reworded it. “Close your eyes.”

Her mouth made a little o shape and she placed her hands over her eyes.

It made me smile despite myself and I changed in less than five seconds.

I took the comb in my hand and came up behind her, sitting with my knees pressed against her back, I was gentle when I pulled her hair behind her. 

It was long, I had noticed before, but now that it was in my hands, and as I ran a comb through it, it was hard not to see. 

“I’ve never seen hair like yours.”

She stiffened, and I wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, unable to see her face or read her emotions. 

In that moment I would have given anything to be Hermia. 

“It’s a good thing.” I said, and she relaxed. “Most women like to wear their hair short, the longest I’ve seen is to their shoulder blades, but you-“ I dragged my comb through her hair, it was impossible to go from root to tip without pushing my arm behind me. “Your hair is-“

And I was at a loss for words.

And I was never at a loss for words.

She turned back to face me and smiled, she pushed herself off the bed and walked to the other side. I suppose she was done.

I lifted up the covers and that seemed to surprise her; she tried it on her side and was just as amazed to see that it worked over there as well.

“It’s a blanket, it helps you keep warm.” I told her.

I reached over to turn the lamp off and I settled down. 

She squirmed for a while, swishing her legs back and forth, tossing to one side, and then the other. It wasn’t as if she was uncomfortable, oh no, I could see her face, my eyes having adjusted to the darkness, I watched her face lit up in pure enjoyment as she tested out the bed.

When she finished, finding a comfortable spot, she patted the bed and Hessia pounced, working her way between us. She snuggled up next to the woman, and she put her arm around Hessia. 

I should have fallen asleep, I was tired, I wake up early and go to bed late, on days like these, I crash onto my bed, falling asleep almost instantly. 

It must have been three a.m. and I was going to wake up at eight, like I always did, but I couldn’t fall asleep. All I wanted to do was watch her. 

The next morning, my bed was empty of both woman and dog and I thought it was a dream.

A late night, fever dream.

Concocted only by the fact that early that day Mytho has sat down with me and asked if I really was a virgin like all the rumors said I was. 

So, it made me think of a small woman, who looked rather malnourished, covered in dirt and debris, with blue eyes appearing at my door, naked, at two a.m. 

Yeah, super sexy.

I groaned and rubbed my eyes, my entire body begging me to go back to sleep, but when was the last time I let my body tell me what to do?

I stood and made my way down to the kitchen, thinking of what I had to do today, if I had to go to the store, I was sure Hessia had eaten all of her food again - she was supposed to be on a strict diet, but no matter where I put her food, she found it and would get into the bag and eat her weight in kibble.

But I stopped, the back door was open, and with no sign of Hessia being in the house, I was worried she ran out again.

“Damnit. Hessia!” I ran out onto the porch, but stumbled to a halt when I saw the young woman sitting in my rocking chair with Hessia lying at her feet.

She smiled, rising up from her chair, she waved at me. 

Not a dream.

This is fine.

“Good morning.” I said.

She just smiled at me.

“How did you sleep?” 

She nodded her head, before bending down and rubbing the top of Hessia’s head. 

“Normally I don’t let Hessia sleep in the bed.” 

The woman’s face contorted into one of guilt.

“No, it’s fine. She just has her own bed, it was fine, if you felt like sleeping with her helped.”

She grinned and nodded.

She went back to petting the dog and I knelt down beside her.

“Hey. Can you… speak?”

She blinked her eyes at me, she touched her throat and shook her head.

“Do you know sign language?”

She cocked a brow.

“You don’t know what sign is.”

She shook her head.

She was strange, she didn’t know what anything was. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t sign.

“Who are you? What’s your name?” 

She made a word with her mouth, but I couldn’t read lips. 

“Can you write?”

She shook her head.

I signed, “Do you have any family?”

She turned away, looking to the forest. I had the feeling she didn’t.

“You could-“ I hated to say this, not because I hated her, but because I didn’t know her, and it was obvious that she wasn’t a normal person, she could have escaped from a psychiatric ward, or something, but…

In my heart, I knew I could trust her.

And I always listened to my heart.

“You could stay with me.”

She blinked her eyes. 

“Yes.” I said. “You could stay here, I live alone, but, it might be best-“ 

She cut me short, she wrapped her arms around me, nearly sending me back, but I caught myself and allowed myself to put an arm around her.

She pulled back, beaming, but soon was back, she pressed her nose to my neck. 

She held out her hand and made motion with the other, and all I could think of was the soap.

“The soap?”

She nodded, she tapped her nose.

“Oh, you like it?”

She nodded.

“Th-thank you.” 

I could feel my face getting red and I turned my eyes to look out to the forest. 

I took her inside when I started to get hungry - and I’m sure she was as well - and offered her coffee.

“It’s a drink.” I told her, when she didn’t seem to know what I was talking about.

I took down two mugs and poured her a cup and then one myself - normally I had two cups a day, but I was willing to sacrifice for her - and gave it to her black. 

Which wasn’t the smartest move.

She made a face of abhorred disgust, shaking her head and sticking out her tongue. 

I bit my cheek to stop myself from laughing at her. 

“Maybe some cream and sugar.”

I took back the cup and to the best of my abilities, I made her drink the way Mytho took his coffee, with an ungodly amount of sugar and more milk than I thought would ever be necessary. I handed back to her a cup that was now closer to the color of sand than coffee.

She sniffed it, more cautious this time. She took a sip and lit up.

A sweet tooth.

“Here, I’ll make you something to eat, you must be starving.” I was peering at her shoulder, the collar of my old shirt had slipped down and I saw her boney shoulder, it was as if she had no fat on her at all. 

I’d have to change that. 

I started making pancakes, but it was difficult, she stood behind me, and wherever she stood, Hessia was right behind her. The woman peered over my shoulder, and if I wasn’t careful, I’d ram my elbow into her gut. 

“Stand back, you’ll get hurt. Do you want to help?”

Her eyes lit up and I gave her something to do, getting the flour, or another bowl. I didn’t let her near the stove, she was so curious and I was afraid she would try to touch it. 

“Go sit down, I’ll bring you a plate when it's ready.”

She nodded and sat down, letting Hessia lay her head on her lap. I made four, two for each of us, and I could always make more, but I always remembered what my father said about victims who had been without food or water for a few days. 

They need to take it slow, they can’t gulp down too much water, or choke down too much food, or they’ll get sick and just throw it up.

But, that was back when my father was the police chief, back when he was still alive.

“Shit.” I cursed under my breath, I hadn’t given her any water. “Hey, are you thirsty?”

She looked over at me and shook her head. 

“You need to drink some water.” I told her, I went to the cupboard and pulled down a glass. “I’m sorry I didn’t think of it before. I’m not used to late night visitors.”

She gave me a smile and shrugged her shoulders. 

She sipped at the water when I gave it to her, but she seemed to favor the coffee. 

I took it away and set it across the table.

“Drink all the water first, who knows when the last time you had something to drink was.”

I went back to the pancakes, hoping they hadn’t burnt. 

“Alright.” I told her. I had tried in vain to convince her she couldn’t come into town with me for an hour, but it didn’t work. She stood outside in nothing but the shirt I gave her, she scowled at me, even though it looked more like a pout, and did her best to wordlessly argue with me.

It worked. 

“You can’t come into town, not wearing only my shirt.” I told her. “Let me go to town real quick, grab something for you to wear, and then we can go down together.”

That seemed to appease her. 

I drove away in my truck, watching her in the rear view mirror, she waved to me, her other hand resting on Hessia’s head. 

“Raetsel, please, just help me?”

“I have no idea why you need clothes that would fit a woman, and until I get my answer I’m not going to.” 

I glared at Raetsel, more out of annoyance than trying to scare her, besides I knew I couldn’t, she was the only woman unbothered by my mean expressions and mannerisms.

She crossed her arms in defiance. 

“Ugh! Okay, fine I’ll tell you, but you won’t believe me.”

I told her.

“Fakir, that’s ridiculous, just tell me you finally went on a date with a girl, went skinny dipping and lost your clothes.” 

“Fine, I’ll go ask Rue.” I turned, stalking out of the boutique when she caught my wrist.

“Wait.”

I rolled my eyes and turned back to look at her. “What?”

“You’re- you’re telling the truth, aren't you?” 

She could always tell when I lied, and when I wasn’t.

“Yes, I am.”

“Alright. How tall was she?”

I thought back to when I was helping her inside, the top of her head brushing against my collarbone. “About here.”

“And is she skinny? Or a fat girl?”   
“Malnourished.” I said. “Her spine was popping out of her back.”

She nodded, rushing around the store, pulling down shirts and pants. 

“What color was her hair?”

“Red, like salmon.” 

Raetsel nodded, pulling down shirts that would go. “And her eyes?”

“What?”

She looked back at me. “Her eyes, what color were her eyes, Fakir. What? Oh don’t tell me you didn’t even look her in the eye.”

“Blue.” I said softly, in my mind’s eye, I saw them perfectly, but I knew that whatever I imagined didn’t compare to the real thing. 

She piled the clothes onto the counter and my hand went to grab my wallet.

“I’m just putting these down, we still have to get shoes and undergarments.”

“Undergarments?”

“She can’t just go walking around commando all the time, Fakir.” She retorted. “What would you say her measurements were?”

“What?” I could feel it. My face becoming hotter than the surface of the sun.

“Are you telling me that you didn’t look? A naked girl in your arms? And you didn’t look at her chest?”

“Raetsel, I try not to look at any woman’s chest.”

“Alright, I’ll just have to guess.” 

She pulled out many bras, all colorful, and some covered in lace. 

I elected to turn away.

“Those cup sizes will be too big.”

I couldn’t see, but I could feel Raetsel’s smirk burning into my back.

“Didn’t look, did you?”

I returned with bags full, most of them all from Raetsel’s boutique, the other from a small pit stop I made to the bookstore.

I parked my car, and she was sitting on the porch, waiting for me. She waved wildly, running off the porch to greet me.

“Here.” I said, handing her the bags. “I got these for you.”

She grinned from ear to ear before rushing inside. 

I held the bag that held the book, I wanted to show it to her later, after we got back from town. 

She was in my room, dumping out the clothes onto my bed and running her hands over the various fabrics. 

“They’re clothes. For you, so you don’t have to wear mine.”

She nodded, she started to take off my shirt.

“Woah, wait.” I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, she had let the shirt fall back down. I went over to the bed and organized the clothes into piles. “I didn’t know what - ahem- bra size you wore, so Raetsel had to guess.” I handed her the four bras Raetsel picked out, all varying in size. “Try them on and see which one fits, and I’ll return the others and get more in that size.”

I went through the rest of the clothes, going over what each one was, and how it should be worn, and she soaked it all up, regarding each one with intensity. 

I was starting to think she had never worn clothes before.

She started to take my shirt off again and I ran out of the room. 

I stood in the kitchen, making lunch, when she came back, dressed in a plain yellow dress. She had all four bras in her hand. 

She handed them to me, scrunching up her nose and shaking her head.

“What? Did none of them fit?”

She shook her head, she puffed out in annoyance. She grabbed my wrist and squeezed. 

“Oh, it’s uncomfortable” 

She smiled and nodded.

“Well, here I made lunch.” 

She took the plate I handed her and sat at the table. She took a bite and made a face. She pulled up the sandwich I made and pulled the meat off.

“Oh, are you a vegetarian?” 

She gave me a blank look, I suppose she’d never heard that word before. 

“It means you don’t eat meat.” I pointed at the ham. 

She made an o shape with her mouth and shook her head. She wiggled her hand.

“Fish?”

She nodded.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So, have you ever been in a car before?” 

She bounced excitedly in her seat, shaking her head. I smiled at her, it was impossible not to.

“You have to buckle your seatbelt first.” I demonstrated on my side, pulling it over and buckling it in. 

There was a loud bark and the truck rocked, I looked back and Hessia stood in the truck bed, wagging her tail and looking all too pleased with herself.

“Hessia, get down.” 

But the woman seemed to like it, she got up in her knees and opened the back window, allowing Hessia to stick her head in. 

“She can’t come to town.”

The woman pouted, hugging Hessia’s head to her own. 

“I- ugh. Okay, fine.” 

Town went as well as I expected.

Every store we stopped at, she’d try to bring Hessia in, and I had to say no, even when she made her eyes water. It was very impressive, I’m not entirely sure how she managed to do it. 

It was Saturday and Saturday was always the day I ran my errands, the groceries for the week - I made a few adjustments, grabbing more vegetables and fish than I would normally - I had a meeting set up with Autor, my publishing agent, where I'd give him the next chapter, along with any changes I made to the previous and pick up my paycheck, and of course I had a weekly dinner with Charon and Raetsel, along with her husband Hans, but I called to cancel. 

I didn’t want to expose her just yet.

At the grocery store, she picked up a lot of things, apples and celery, bread - she picked up every loaf of bread - and tried to put it all in the cart. I let a few things slide, but I couldn’t just let her get anything she wanted.

“I can’t buy the whole store.” 

But, there was no rationalizing with her. 

“Who's this, Fakir?” The grocer asked as he rung up my items.

“She’s a friend. Visiting from out of town, Herr Giest.” 

She smiled at him, gave him a tiny wave, and for the first time in my life, I saw Herr Giest offer her the smallest upturn of the corner of his lips.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one infected into kindness by her.

“How long are you staying?” 

“It’s to be determined.” I answered, “But possibly for a while.” 

She nodded in agreement.

“Alright,” I said, putting the bags in the back with Hessia. “Don’t eat this.” I told her. “Next, I have a meeting with a colleague, he’s not the kindest, perhaps you would like to go elsewhere?”

I took her to Raetsel’s, the only place I could think of, and walked her inside.

Raetsel was complimenting a woman trying on one of the dresses when she saw me, and as soon as she did she excused herself from the customer.

“Is this her?” 

“Yes.” I turned to her. “This is Raetsel, a sister of sorts.” 

“Of sorts?” Raetsel shook her head. “I’m his big sister, don’t listen to what he says. I see you like the dress I picked out.”

The woman grinned and nodded, pulling at the fabric.

“Did any of the bras fit?”

She scrunched up her face and shook her head.

“Why don’t I measure you properly this time?” 

Raetsel held out her hand and I knew she’d be safe here.

Although, why I was concerned, I wasn’t sure.

My patience was already worn thin. 

Autor sat across from me, scolding me for not bringing in the next chapter on time.

It was always like this, he would yell and I would sit and take it, I promised I’d do better, I would be handed an envelope and I would leave a richer man.

Normally, I listened, it was the same rant, but I knew it made him feel more important than he really was. 

But I couldn’t even pretend. 

My eyes wandered out the window, looking to the blue skies and all I could think of was her, she put so much trust in me, and the way she smiled. 

Why?

“Fakir? Fakir!”

“What?”

“Are you even listening to me?” He yelled, slamming his hands on his desk.

“Frankly, no. I have more pressing matters to attend to.” I stood, I held out my hand.

“More pressing matters than your career?”

“Yes. I'll have the book finished by the end of the year. Have I ever failed you before?”

He crossed his arms, “No.” He took the check out of his desk and passed it into my hand. “It’s my ass on the line if you don’t finish.” 

“Autor, if I wanted you fired, I would have stopped writing a long time ago.” 

“Get out of my office. I’ll see you next week.”

I went back to Raetsel’s boutique and I bought more clothes for her.

“You’re going to take all of my money.”

“I’m giving you a discount.” Raetsel smiled, but it was still more money than I thought necessary. 

Back in the safety of home, I started a fire, it was already growing cold, and the dress she wore wasn’t built for warmth.

“Come here, I want to show you something.” I patted the floor next to me, she skipped over and flopped down, leaning against my arm. “It’s a sign language book, a way to speak with your hands.” 

She snatched the book from my hands, she looked over it, the front, the back, she ran her finger over the spine. She held it to her nose and smelled it, she stuck out her tongue and licked it. She brought it to her ear and shook it.

“Here.” I took the book from her hand, held it to her ear and ran my thumb over the pages, allowing them to flutter out and make some sound.

I opened it for her, the first page going over the alphabet.

“Can you read at all?”

She shook her head.

“Alright. A.” I said, I held up my hand and made the sign, and she copied me. “B.”

I don’t know how long she stayed with me, I don’t remember the exact day she came to my door, what month it was, or the season.

I don’t remember when I fell in love with her, either. 

Was it the first time I saw her, or was it today, when she gave me the brightest smile just by bringing her her coffee. 

The first time she signed my name, or I signed hers, after the first fight, or the last.

Going to bed with her on the opposite side and waking up with her curled against my chest. 

The way she needed me, and the way I needed her. 

I didn’t even know what love was until I found her.

“I never asked you for your name.” I said one day. She had been here for a few weeks, and she dedicated most of her days to learning sign, and teaching me. 

I wrote every day when she was there, it was so easy to, I didn’t understand why artists lusted after muses until I had my own. 

She tapped her chin, and shook her head. 

“Well, what is it?”

_ Duck.  _

“Duck?” 

She nodded.

“Alright. Duck.” 

I was teaching her to read, as well. Using my own work to help her. 

It was hard to tell if it was working, but I felt like she was learning well enough. 

I remember the first fight. It was something stupid, something I should have just said yes to instead of being stubborn and hotheaded. 

She wanted to go to town by herself, and I said no.

“It’s too dangerous.” 

_ No. I’m careful. _

“It doesn’t matter if you’ll be careful, I don’t know what other people will do!”

_ People are good. _

“Not all people. Why can’t you go with me?”

_ Why do I have to?  _

“It’s safer. You might get-“

_ I don’t need you! _

“I know you don’t!”

_ I can do things myself.  _

“I know you can.” 

_ It’s just to see Rue and Raetsel. _

I groaned, “Why do you have to be friends with them.”

_ Why can’t you be friends with them! _

“Rue is- She’s not a nice person!”

_ Raetsel? _

“She’s-“ 

_ Please, Fakir.  _

I couldn’t take it when she said please, or when she signed my name. She would sign the letter F and tap it to her heart. 

I closed my eyes, and she patted my arm instantly. 

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to let you go. It’s selfish of me.” 

She signed my name again. 

I signed her name in much the same way as she signed mine. The letter D, which I tapped to my heart. 

She smiled, because she knew she won. 

She grabbed my hand and pulled me into bed, I turned off the light and she pressed her back against my chest. 

I wanted to kiss her.

It was so silly.

We sat at an outside table at Ebine’s and she was personally thanking our server, even though the server didn’t know sign herself. 

I wanted to kiss her everyday, when she woke up and nuzzled her head into my chest, when she sat on my writers desk and talked to me instead of letting me write, at night when she and I took Hessia on a walk around the lake, the sun setting and lighting her hair on fire. 

It was impossible, suppressing my own desires as I watched her lust for life. 

I sat at the table, the food and plates spirited away, the money for the food and tip all there, all that was left was to leave, and she made it her mission to seek out the young waitress who helped us.

She was too kind, as Duck had found her and gave her her fill of gratitude, I could tell she was growing nervous, not being able to understand what was being said to her.

I stood behind Duck, my hand on her shoulder.

“She’d like to thank you.”

“Oh! You’re welcome. You’re very nice.” 

We left, and as always, she took my hand in her own, swinging it slightly with each step. 

It was later that evening, she and I sat by the fire, I was reading her a book, something she preferred over reading herself, when I caught myself watching her more than I was reading the words.

She leaned into me, like she always did, curling into me, resting her head on my shoulder as she watched the fire. 

_ You stopped. _

“Sorry.” I picked up where I left off. 

_ Why? _

“No reason.” I said, but the desire to kiss her overtook me again. 

She turned, so she could look at me, but by doing so, she threw her legs into my lap, her shoulder digging into mine. 

_ Why? _

“I got distracted, shut up.”

_ Red. _

“What?” 

_ You’re red. _

“No I’m not.” But I could feel my face getting warmer. 

_ Yes! Look! You are! _

She poked my cheeks and I batted her hand away.

“Fine, do you want to know?”

She nodded.

“I was thinking about you.”

_ Why? I’m right here? _

“Not- not like that.” I looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. 

_ How? _

“Earlier today. How you talked to our waitress. You’re kind, you have a good heart.” I looked away from her. “Most people aren’t like that anymore.”

She smiled, she leaned against me and tapped the book. 

I started to read to her again. 

It was Spring when she first left.

I woke up in the middle of the night to find half of our bed empty.

I jumped up, running out to find Hessia, who would have followed her.

She was lying on the floor, giving a pathetic whine at having not been able to follow Duck wherever she went. 

And I figured she was my best chance at finding her.

I opened the door, Hessia ran out and I chased after her. 

She ran to the lake, sniffing at the shore and howling. 

I looked out into the water, trying to find her, hoping she hadn’t drowned.

“Duck!” I called out, hoping she’d hear me under the water. “Duck!” 

Hessia’s howling grew louder, more painful and I ran into the water, growing more and more desperate.

“Duck!” 

I was about to dive in when she rose up from the lake, she came to me and pulled me out of the water.

“What were you doing?” I asked her, she was naked again, and I didn’t see any sign of her clothes. 

_ Sorry. Sorry. _

It was all she said, over and over, and I didn’t press the matter.

I took off my shirt once we were on shore, she was trembling.

She pulled at my hand, but I didn’t stop before she fell to her knees. I carried her, pulling her to my chest and taking her home.

I did my best to keep her warm, she felt like ice beneath my fingers, her whole body shook and once we were inside, I ran her a bath, making it as hot as possible without scorching her. 

“Get in.” I said, trying to keep my voice soft, but I was angry with her. She could have died, she could have gotten hypothermia, she could have drowned, I could have  _ lost  _ her.

“I’m going to put your pajamas in the dryer so they’ll be warm.”

She nodded, not saying a word to me. 

I clenched my fists, wanting to hit a wall, to release the anger festing under my skin. 

I slammed the dryer shut, letting it run for ten minutes.

I heard her banging against the tub. 

The sounds of the dryer tossing the clothes around and the churning of the water in the tub when she moved calmed me. I went back to the bathroom, and once my eyes laid on her she started to sign at me in a violent manner, her fingers and gestures moving too fast for me to understand. 

“Wait, slow down.”

_ Sorry. _

“It’s okay, just, slow down.”

_ I can’t tell you why I was at the lake.  _

My eyebrows furrowed together. “Why not?”

She shook her head, only signing the word for bad. 

_ I had to, I-  _

She stopped. 

I had seen many expressions on her face and in her eyes, pure joy, fear, happiness, anger, sadness, but I had never seen the expression she wore now, and I wasn’t entirely sure what it meant for us. 

For me.

Her lips twitched, as if she was trying to stop herself from sobbing, her eyebrows furrowed together, and her eyes- 

Eyes that became my source of hope; inspiration, of love. 

Her eyes were filled with sorrow, more sorrow than could possibly fit into the eyes of a human being, they were desperate and teeming with tears, I didn’t let the first fall, I wiped it away with my thumb before it had a chance. 

She leaned into my touch and that was her undoing. 

I had seen her crying before, crying because she thought Hessia had run away, crying because she dropped a glass and thought I’d be cross with her, but she never cried like this, like her heart had been ripped in half. 

She lifted her arms out of the water and pulled me to her. 

I took her out of the tub and placed her in my lap, a hand wove it's way into her hair, the other I made strong and secure, keeping her in place. I pulled down the towel and wrapped it around her, not giving the air a chance to nip at her glossy skin. 

She pressed her hands into my chest, forming words that I could feel. 

_ I can’t stay. _

_ You and me. Apart.  _

“No.”

I held on to her tighter. 

If possible, I held her closer to my chest, I rested my forehead on her crown.

“Don’t say such things.”

_ Fate. _

“I don’t care. I’m not going to let you go.”

The dryer buzzed, and I had to let her go to get her pajamas. 

She dried herself off and with my helping hand, she stepped back into her pajamas. 

She pressed her hand against my chest, wet from holding her, she plucked at my bottoms.

_ Sorry. _

“It’s fine. I’ll put on others.” 

I lead her back to bed, I watched her crawl under the covers, she wrapped herself into a ball. I changed my pajama bottoms before lying on my back, staring up at the ceiling.

My thoughts ran rampant, I tried to put it all together, I had it all, all the pieces of the puzzle that would tell me who she was, I just didn’t have the box with the picture, I was blind. 

I heard her move under the covers, she inched closer to me, she pulled herself up onto my chest, tucking her head under my chin. I closed my eyes, my arms wrapping around her like instinct.

I would solve the puzzle tomorrow. 

It happened all too frequently. 

I woke up to find her gone and I would run out into the woods, only to find her rising out of the lake, naked and frozen. 

She would smile sadly when she saw me and I would bring her home. 

I never asked why she did it, why it was becoming a nightly habit, and I started to believe in the old town myths. 

I couldn’t get myself to say she was a mermaid, I couldn’t even get the nerve to think it, but nonetheless I knew it to be true.

The Lake Mermaid the town knew all about, the myths and legends surrounding her. 

It couldn’t be true, but as I pulled her from the water, I couldn’t stop myself from thinking it. 

I tried to stop her, I stayed up until the time I normally found her gone, but she stayed asleep, it wasn’t until I knocked out that she left. 

I started to prepare for it, packing a towel in my mother’s picnic basket, I threw her clothes in the dryer, hoping they’d stay warm until it was time to go, and I met her at the shore just in time to wrap a towel around her shoulders and draw her into me.

“This has got to stop.” I whispered to myself. 

But she heard, and she shook her head. 

I sat at my writing desk, since her trips to the lake, I had lost motivation, sight of what I had been writing, and no matter what words I put on the paper, it was all rubbish. Unusable garbage.

I had been cursed out by Autor, and I tried to write something - anything - that I could turn in to him, but nothing. 

It was there I fell asleep, only to be woken by the light emanating from the hallway.

It couldn’t be morning, I looked at my watch, it was still the middle of the night. 

The light faded, and I almost went back to sleep, but when I looked at my watch again I noticed it. 

In twenty minutes I’d wake up to find her gone.

I bolted up and looked at the door.

Was that light her?

My chair fell to the floor in my haste, and when I threw open the door, it crashed against the wall. I only saw the tail end of her, bright as the moon, descending down the stairs, I could hear Hessia barking, and I knew she would come with me.

I followed her, careful not to be heard, unsure if she would stop or not. 

She was slow in her movements, taking careful and precise steps. 

My attention locked on her, I was completely mesmerized, I didn’t remember leaving the house, walking through the forest or when we got to the lake, but the only thing I could see and sense was her. 

Hair flowing freely, she walked with the air and presence of a princess, her body glowed and everything was illuminated by her. It wasn’t blinding, it was soft and gentle, I could stare at it for hours without my eyes burning. 

She stopped at the edge of the lake, she breathed in deeply, and dipped her foot into the water.

Only, the water held her up, and she glided over the top. 

I took her spot at the lake banks, and I almost chased after her, but I held myself back, knowing if I did, something would happen to her. 

She came to the middle of the lake and stopped, she turned towards me, as if she had always known I was there and smiled. 

She fell into the lake. 

“No!” I breathed heavily, I reached for her, wanting more than anything to dive in and drag her out.

The glowing stopped, and the night was left as dark as it should have been, only the moon lighting up the world. 

But my world had disappeared beneath the depths of the lake. 

“Duck.” I said.

There was movement on the water, and when I looked out, I saw a white swan. 

I fell to my knees as she came to me. 

She stayed in the water, not coming onto shore, but when I reached out to her, she placed her bill in my hand.

“Duck?”

She honked at me, and Hessia gave a pitiful whine.

“Why didn’t you tell me? What- what are you?”

She shook her head, unable to speak and now unable to sign.

“I-” Perhaps it was useless to speak to a swan, a swan named Duck, to tell her my heart was hers, and had been for a long time. “Does this mean you’re leaving me?” 

She nodded. 

_ Apart. _

“I want you to stay, I want you to stay by my side. I don’t want you to leave.” It was so childish, so selfish, but in that moment, I couldn’t process the thought of being without her. “I love you.”

I touched my head to hers, and she became warm. 

I pulled away in shock and fear, I fell down, catching myself on my elbows as the waters of the lake surrounded her, the light returned shimmering through the water, and I couldn’t see her, soon the light became too bright and I had to close my eyes, but in the next second, I felt her fall on me. 

And for the first time, I heard her voice.

She gasped sharply. “Fakir! How did you break the spell!”

“Duck?”

“Ahiru! But close enough! How did you break the spell? I didn’t even tell you how to do it, and it didn’t even comply with the rules of how to break the spell. But, oh! I love you, too! I love you so much and I wanted to tell you for so long! My name is Ahiru. Fakir. Fakir?”

I shook my head. “You’re talking.” 

She grinned. “You broke the spell!” 

“What spell?” I sat up and she fell into my lap. 

“Well, it’s kind of a lot to explain, but my mother was cursed by this witch, and then she had me and I was cursed, she was turned back when my father touched her, but she couldn’t change me back, so I made a deal with Drosselmeyer that I would-”

“Who's Drosselmeyer? Wait, your mother was cursed by a witch?”

“Yes. Drosselmeyer is that guy who can write stories into reality. But I made a deal with him-”

“Hold on, Drosselmeyer is just a myth.”

“No, he’s real. But, I made a deal with him that I would live as a girl for a year and if someone could declare their love for me to the entire world, I’d turn back into a girl, I didn’t really get that part, but he took my voice away because he was worried I’d tell someone all of it, and he didn’t want to let anyone else know about who he was.”

“Calm down.” I said, my heart pounding. “You’re talking to me.”

She giggled. “I can do that now!” 

Hessia barked happily, wagging her tail and walking circles around us, licking Ahiru at every opportunity. 

I smiled at her. “I can see that.”

“Oh, you don’t mind do you? I know how much you like the quiet and oh-!”

I wrapped her in an embrace, of course she had a voice, and of course she couldn’t shut up. 

I fell back on the ground, taking her with me, suddenly exhausted.

She propped herself up on her elbows. I lifted a hand, caressing her, curling my fingers into her hair. 

“You worried me.”

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! I just didn’t think you’d be able to break the spell!”

“You doubted me, you mean.” I bumped my head to hers, my nose brushing up against hers. 

“N-no! But I just wasn’t able to tell you the rules! And- and I didn’t think you’d be able to figure it out-”

“Stop talking.” My hand rested on her cheek.

She blushed. “Oh, sorry I didn’t-”

I stole a kiss, which wasn’t something I should have done, but when I pulled away, I felt her hands wrap around my face and I felt her lips on mine. She laughed into our kiss, and I couldn’t stop my own smile. 

I kissed her cheeks, her nose, every inch of her face that I could reach and she laughed, and I couldn’t help myself when my chest rumbled under her. 

“Fakir?”

“Hmm?”

“How did you break the spell? You’re supposed to break the curse by declaring your love to the whole world.”

“Ahiru,” I said, rolling the name around in my tongue, I prefer it over the nickname she had chosen. “Don’t you get it? You are my whole world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Little Mermaid / Swan Lake / The White Duck inspired fanfiction   
> The title is a lyric from a hoizer song.


End file.
